Learning to dream again

I was reading a little book yesterday that I found at a used book store. It is titled, Living Out Loud by Keri Smith. It is a book about how to “fuel a creative life” It talked about living the life you always wanted by thinking about what you played as a child to discover what brings you true joy and passion and then reconnect to that energy. It was filled with games and activities to help get you in touch with your creative side.

I thought about that and I wondered when it is that we decide to quit playing. Does our life get too busy or do we just decide it is a waste of time or too juvenile to be important. I’m sure some people would say I never quit playing. I still love to color, paint and draw with chalk on the sidewalk. I sing and dance and blow bubbles on my front porch and hang prisms in my windows that face south so they will paint rainbows on the walls. But somewhere along the way I stopped dreaming. I became “realistic” in my thinking. I started listening to the people that told me that life is serious and we need to be responsible and dependable so there isn’t time for foolishness and unrealistic hopes.

I first realized this when I read an article about writing a bucket list and again when I read The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I suddenly realized that I couldn’t think of my dreams or what I was passionate about. Dreaming just seemed empty and unfamiliar to me and as I wrote things down on my bucket list I felt that I was simply making them up to have something to write. I mean there are things that I like to do or I might even go so far as to say I love them; singing, gardening, cooking, dancing and playing with my grandsons. But to come up with what I wanted to do before I died I felt at a loss. I heard once the St. Francis of Assisi was asked while he was playing ball, “What would you do if you knew you were going to die this week?” And he responded, “I would keep on playing ball.” When the story was told to me it was to emphasize the need to be prepared to meet your maker but if someone asked me that today I would have to say I would keep doing what I’m doing because I can’t think of anything else to do. Oh, I might tell them I would quit my job and spend more time with my family and more time in my garden but I don’t feel a great need to accomplish things that I’ve neglected. Maybe that is okay. Maybe it says that I am happy with my life, content with the place I’m in. So for today at least, I will keep on doing what I’m doing and I will try to be more aware of how blessed I am to have a life that makes me happy, a family that truly loves me and a job that brings me fulfillment. But I’m still going to do the games and activities to try Living Out Loud.